These two are in a very committed relationship. Congratulations. Not everyone is so lucky.

Although other naysayers and pessimists continue to focus on the past and what has been destroyed by the recent fire and flood, my office continues to look to the future. And although we have been advised otherwise by several dour and pessimistic “experts,” we are pleased to announce The Void, Ohio’s thirty-first most popular regional destination according to Columbus magazine, is reopening today, just in time for Valentine’s.

Bring your romantic partner, (if you are lucky enough to have one and not constantly having to attend to a community of misfits, whiners, and do-nothings), and receive half-off a full-size portrait as part of our Valentines promotion. PROOF OF COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP REQUIRED. Do not try and pass off your meaningless moment of lust as a commitment. We all know where that is going: nowhere.

Visiting The Void is the perfect way to tell that someone special they still are on your mind, regardless of how it may have ended or the fact that you are surrounded by the remnants of your failed marriage and are often overcome by an unending sense of fear for the meager little town you have come to love. Enjoy!