Do you like nonstop entertainment and death-defying fun!? Do you want to see me light my brother aflame, saw him in half, expose him to his childhood fears, all while being connected to a pick-up truck battery? It’s a trick Officer Ron said is pretty cool but is probably a really bad idea. And we’re doing it for you!

(My brother Dash is deathly afraid of snakes. If you even say the word snake, he gets scared. I asked Ms. Gibbs at Meow’s the Time if they have any venomous snakes but they don’t but she is letting me borrow several constrictors for the finale.)

Anyway, we know everyone is very sad about everything in town disappearing. So what? Sh– happens. Are you going to stay home and cry or are you going to come to our one-of-a-kind, radical magical performance and have your face possibly blown off? Magic makes you feel feelings. It’s good for facing tragedies, etc., etc. Also don’t you want to see what’s going to happen to my brother? We practiced the other day and he had to get seven stitches in his forearm.

We will be performing the show in the spot where Veterans Hall used to be. As a protest to Time. Or whatever’s making things disappear, I don’t even know anymore.

Either you will believe in magic after this or you will not believe in anything ever.