No doubt you have already noticed that there is an unprecedented time-based anomaly affecting our town in many ways, including my squad car disappearing out from under me while I was driving in to work this morning causing undue damage to my police uniform.

But in addition to the many other anomalous incidents, as head of public safety it is my duty to report that all stop signs and lights in town are disappearing and reappearing, causing a large number of fender-benders and moving violations. It is probably best to consider walking or simply staying home, if your home hasn’t disappeared. If it has, it seems that these disappearances are often temporary, as my squad car reappeared moments later, unfortunately with nobody in it, and it hit the mailbox on Main.

In better news, the sky is distinctly less red.

Please contact the Question Mark Police Department with any other disappearances. Please remember, we are really trying our best but some things, like this, appear to be beyond our control.