Ladies.

First of all, almost none of you came. I can not imagine what would be more important to you than our wonderful Mother’s Day Parade and Pageant, but clearly your priorities are wrong.

Second of all, those of you that did come? Well, I specifically said “Ladies, look your best” and clearly none of you listened. I know you were upset that there was no winner for the Pageant portion of the event, but really: Look inward and ask yourself if there should have been. I mean, honestly.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to the mayor of a town where people took themselves and how they dressed a little more seriously. It’s like being mayor of a hole in the ground instead of a center of progress and industry. If I’m being really honest, I wish a few of those dated outfits would have vanished completely.

Try harder, ladies. Try harder.