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Purple light will not harm you; only wants your energy

a glowing purple orb far in the distance in a dark woods.

Over the last several weeks, we have received several alarmed phone calls and email messages at the Experimental Crop Station, regarding a floating purple shape that seems attracted to both sound and light. As we cannot confirm the origins of this particularly fascinating creature, we want to offer a few of these questions and answers as both scientists and your supportive neighbors.

Q: Does the large purple light consume human material?

A: As of right now, no evidence exists that the purple light consumes human flesh. As far as we know, it only feeds on light, any light, including streetlights, lamps, electric signs, flashlights, and light from electronic devices.

Q: What potential exists for agricultural/industrial/military uses for the purple light?

A: Too many to list here.

Q: What kind of music does the purple light prefer?

A: 18th Century European Classical. But it is not a fan of Bartok, Brahms, or Mozart. These composers seem to make it incredibly aggressive.

Q: Can the purple light sting?

A: Most definitely. It has nearly-invisible tentacles which are barbed with sharp nettles and which will leave a mark.

Q: Does the purple light respond to any sort of name?

A: It has been said that the light responds to several names but most frequently Q-eey. If you happen upon this extraordinary creature, please contact the Question Mark Police at your earliest convenience.

Posted by George Yakamoto, Senior Researcher, Experimental Crop Station on July 26, 2023