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Please, for your own safety, stay away from the big glowy thing in the woods

If you will have noticed, I have not posted in this space after being seriously reprimanded. But this is honestly for the public’s safety, as you will soon see.

Last night some person or persons I may or may not know discovered some kind of interdimensional space-time something or other out in the woods. I went back this morning because I hoped that maybe it would have gone away on its own but as soon as I saw it was still there and I turned and ran. I do not know what it is or what it can do but please keep away from it until the authorities or NASA or someone can figure it all out.

This is very serious, it appeared to be some kind of giant glowing disc but I didn't want to look at it for very long because maybe it steals souls or reads minds or something so I'm not sure. Do not look at it, maybe. I mean someone should look at it, but someone that is trained for this sort of thing unlike me.

Definitely do not go there and take pictures with your goofball friends. Please.

Teenagers, this is not a good place to drink beers and smoke marijuana because if you fall over, like teenagers are always doing, there’s a good chance your face is going to be disintegrated. And then what? Good luck going to Homecoming next weekend.

So, everybody, just please stay away until someone else in charge can figure this all out. Post.

Posted by Officer Ron Dublowski on October 1, 2023