Tomorrow marks an important date for all citizens of Question Mark, Ohio: Election day!
On this year’s ballot, you will be asked to vote for a candidate to replace Tom Childs on the town council, to give your opinion on using money generated from The Void to build a skating “ring,” and to vote to amend the Ohio state constitution.
A reminder that if you are going to drop off your ballot in-person you must visit the Question Mark High School or Veterans’ Hall between the hours of 7am-7pm. We are also, for the first time, running our election through our Town Announcements email list and are happy to announce that today’s test vote was flawless. That is, except for the outcome. Somehow, of the 873 people to help us test our system, 565 of you preferred cake over pie, which received only 308 votes. What an unfortunate outcome. Do you not understand how delicious and versatile pie can be??
While this outcome makes no sense, as an elected official I must acknowledge and accept it.
Anyway, your taste in desserts aside, tomorrow’s election for Town Council holds exceptional importance to Question Mark, and considering that one of our candidates was involved in some controversy this weekend, we have invited both candidates to make final statements.
As many of you have heard, I have become the victim of a government conspiracy aimed at defrauding my candidacy. I want to refute all those claims here, even ones that have not been made. This is exactly the kind of overreach from law enforcement that I will work to outlaw. If I want to enter an abandoned theme park that says No Trespassing, it should be my God-given right. What does it mean in a country where such acts, like purchasing firearms, explosives, and noxious chemicals are so heavily regulated? I look forward to your support.
Just as a reminder, I am also running for town council. I am a big fan of computers, the internet, and pets, and I think we can use all three to make Question Mark a more amazing, inclusive place. Imagine a cat in every aisle at the public library. Wouldn’t that be exciting? I am still against disappearances, murder, and using The Void for profit. And although my opponent was recently arrested for trespassing and has been accused of trying to blow the town up, I am sure he has a very reasonable explanation. Also if you decide not to vote for me, I will not hold it against you. See you at the polls!