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Town Reopening: Your Questions, Our Answers

As many of you begin to return to town after the catastrophic events of mid-December, the Town Council knows you have questions and concerns. Last night we held an emergency meeting, in which the council attempted to respond to a number of doubts and worries from the public regarding the explosion of the power substation and all its devastating consequences on December 17, 2023, which is noted here as the Power Substation Catastrophe or PSC.

Below please find an edited transcript of the questions and answers from our emergency Town Council meeting last night.

We hope your resettlement in Question Mark is easy and uneventful and we welcome you back home.

Q: Why did the power substation explode?

A: At the moment, we are diligently investigating the cause of the power substation explosion. We believe it was a once-in-a-century accident caused by failing equipment and gross negligence on the power station’s behalf.

Q: No, but, really, why did the power substation explode? One person said it was because of The Void. Someone else said it was ghosts. Someone said they heard a French horn being played…

A: As of now, we find no truth to the rumors that a small group of apocalyptically-minded cultists attempted to open The Void and bring about the end of time as we know it. We do know sometime before or after the explosion, The Void appeared to emit an electromagnetic wave that affected power throughout the town. Again, the investigation is ongoing.

Q: Did anyone die in the explosion or its aftermath?

A: Remarkably, we have no deaths to report but there were many, many injuries including Officer Tim Holland and Department of Streets and Sanitation worker Bruno Ellis. However a number of pets have been reported missing and have yet to be recovered.

Q: Has power been fully restored in town?

A: As of now, the power substation is being rebuilt and temporary power has been restored, though it is crucial not to overload the temporary system by turning on your lights and/or running a hair-drier. We suggest doing one or the other until the new power station is complete, likely around mid-March. We are asking the town to withhold judgment at the moment. If you see a person in town, at school, at a place of business, who looks like they might have dressed in the dark, we encourage you to please not say anything.

Q: When do classes resume at QM Elementary and QM High School?

A: All classes resume tomorrow, Tuesday, January 30, 2024 at 8am.

Q: What businesses and/or locations in town have been most directly affected by the explosion/fire/flooding?

A: The power station on East Avenue and Moonlite Grove RV Park were completely consumed by the blaze. The Lost Lake Drive-In is currently closed, its owners have assured me they will reopen prior to the premiere of Garfield this summer. Parts of the northwest quadrant of the Question Mark Municipal Waste facility burned for an extensive period of time, causing widespread toxic smoke and extending our evacuation for over a month. The household chemicals and cooking oil section of the dump continues to burn intermittently and is closed to the public. The parking lot of the Question Mark Motel was damaged as were several fields surrounding the Experimental Crop Station. Many homes from Tower Avenue to East Avenue were also damaged by the fire. The fire also caused extensive damage to parts of the industrial district including the historic Willey Envelope factory. The loss of power and failure of several emergency systems caused unprecedented flooding to downtown areas and led to the relocation of Meow’s the Time to 812 Adeline Avenue and the permanent closure of Professor Chik N Crunch, which has since vacated the premises. On a positive note, a new food establishment is already preparing to open in an extensively renovated Chik N Crunch space. The elementary school and high school were also adversely affected, suffering both fire and water damage. Both schools will be open as repairs continue to take place. The Void remains temporarily closed as well.

Looking at all the damage, it is hard not to feel heartbroken. I sincerely doubt our town will ever be the same again.

Q: Do you believe we are experiencing the end of the world?

A: We do not know at this point as there is not enough evidence. But the flooding and closing of Professor Chik N Crunch seems like a very ominous sign.

Q: Will anyone be held responsible for what happened to the town?

A: We are looking into that.

Posted by Tom Weathers, Town Council on January 29, 2024